We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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