I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
