We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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