I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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