Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
