another moral hangover. fuck.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just tell him i said nine months
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
