is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
