Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize