I cannot find my penis.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I need to sanitize my soul.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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