So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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