Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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