The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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