I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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