That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
