New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
