3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
