worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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