these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
