Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
