Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
