I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
someone owes me an orgasm
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
