He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
