guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
