OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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