it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
