I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm drive I can fine osifer
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
