So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
