Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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