He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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