No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
