he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
