I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
