Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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