Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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