bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Randomize
