And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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