i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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