It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
