I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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