I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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