dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
