dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
