Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
