Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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