The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize