dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
