my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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