Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
