If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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