Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize