Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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