well I can't set my house on fire every night
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
