I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
