I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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