you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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