Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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