i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
