We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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