I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
