Cold hands, warm shart.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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