Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
