oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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