Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
