I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
