I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
