But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
