we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
