I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
