I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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